I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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