Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
