just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
