He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
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Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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