he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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