She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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