i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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