Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i've created a new STD.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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