My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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