when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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