Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
