Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
