I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
