Plan B is the new Plan A
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
