I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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