Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
