My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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