So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
bring money and cleavage
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
