Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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