I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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