do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You can't just leave with hair like that
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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