jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
