Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
