i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
