so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
