"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
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