CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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