my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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