I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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