My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
barbara walters just said penis...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
