don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just googled if crying burns calories
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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