Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
