the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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