don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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