he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
