I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
