It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
