u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
well you can't waste a boner
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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