1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
