My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
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So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
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I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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