I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
