U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
zippers are such a cool invention
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
