You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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