last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
