I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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