Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
