I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
