So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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