I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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