I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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