Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I still have a little drunk in my system
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
