I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
