even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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