just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
