The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
