if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
