Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
