Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
