If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(