your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube