Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday