What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
