It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
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I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
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Just pee around me
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!