then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize