At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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