Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
