I wish I could teleport
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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