You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
