sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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