I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
