my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
